Supplemental

Listen this funk I am in isn’t healthy for me. I recently got a card from my parents for Valentines Day. I really like the card. So here I am. This is who I am. I am changing and becoming a better person. I am. While everyone else can give up on me…I won’t give up on me. The last few weeks I have been going through my own personal Hell. I felt everything crushing down on me. I just dealt with lots of doubt, mistrust, and just unknowns.

Everything hit a head on Tuesday when I felt like I had my chest basically open up and eat my alive. That evening I went and got my medicine and came back to the house and watched Band of Brothers with Chris.

Wednesday morning I started the medicine and felt instantly better. Now the only thing I have been feeling are extreme hunger pains. Which I look at as good cause my body wants to gain back the 20 lbs it lost.

I am a compassionate man. I really do care about my friends. I’m leery of picking up hitchhikers... but lately I have had this feeling I should. One of my friends is dealing with some major issue in his own life. I am worried about him. So last night I went downtown to catch a bite and give him a call. I asked him if he wanted to meet me for coffee. He wanted too. I could tell in his voice he missed hanging and really wanted to again. We made a plan to meet up at Empyrean. I waited for awhile and then gave him a call. It started snowing after an hour and I decided that maybe I needed to go home. I gave him another call and let him know we should meet another night. He called back and said for reasons he didn’t want to get into he couldn’t meet up that night.

He didn’t have to explain.

While I spent my time alone at the Empyrean someone car got stuck outside. I went outside and helped them out. That’s who I am. I help people. If that means listening to the issues in there life, if that means pushing someone out of a snow bank, if that means being there for someone when they don’t have anyone.

That’s who I am.

Over the years I have been told I am too nice, a push over, indecisive. To heck I say to this. It is who I am. I’m too nice? Bah!! I don’t make a fuss cause I figure there are bigger issues to worry about. Because I got the wrong dressing on my salad seems to not compare to all those who are in poverty and don’t even get a salad to eat. I let others take over decisions because I am not willing to fight? Bah… I have fought battles and I have learned. I now pick my battles. I am Indecisive? Bah!! If the decision really mattered I would make the decision. But why not look at it the other direction. I am giving someone else the right to have a say. I could make all the decisions but then we would have another issue… wouldn’t we? I am who I am. Now do I need some work? Yes… but who doesn’t? Do not judge, or you too will be judged” (Matthew 7:1) so don’t judge me if you aren’t willing to be judge by the same standards. I’m becoming a better person. Take it or leave it.

It is the story I leave.

The sun is shining today and the snow is melting. Awhile back I made a post about a book called His Dream. His Dream is still being worked on everyday, because it’s not a man’s dream. It’s a dream of what a higher power has for a man. Everyone has a story. I am leaving my story for my kids. I want them to know about the struggles I had. Life is hard… wouldn’t we all be better with a manual.

New Life

So call this the first day of my new life. Not that different from the old life, just a reaffirmation that inside this broken soul there is a great guy. I am a guy that is compassionate, talented, a bit “zany”, kindhearted, and generous and someone who has a great sense of humor. Take it or leave it. Jeremy Camp said it best.

Let this old life crumble, let it fade.
Let this new life offered be your saving grace.
Let this old life crumble, let it fade, let it fade.

My Testimony

Yes! Struggles have plagued me. Yes! I was a person that hid behind a mask. Yes! I am now different then I was a few months ago. Will everyone like that person. How knows? Like I said everyone can give up on me… but I can’t give up on me. I am a great person. A person people care about. So much so, I have received questions this week on how I was doing from unexpected sources. I must have some sort of effect on people that they still care... after all that has gone on or happened. People that I feel shouldn’t care if I am happy… want me to be happy. That has to be saying something.

The journey

This journey has gone thru a valley, but now I can start to go up the mountain. From the top I can see where I have been, where the hardship were, and hopefully, get a better clue on where I need to go.

Take it or leave it. I will not give up on anyone… especially myself. That’s what I have learned. Everything can be forgiven. Everything deserves a second chance. Everything will work out in the end.

Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. Love never fails. But where there are prophecies, they will cease; where there are tongues, they will be stilled; where there is knowledge, it will pass away. For we know in part and we prophesy in part, but when perfection comes, the imperfect disappears. When I was a child, I talked like a child; I thought like a child, I reasoned like a child. When I became a man, I put childish ways behind me. Now we see but a poor reflection as in a mirror; then we shall see face to face. Now I know in part; then I shall know fully, even as I am fully known.

And now these three remain: faith, hope and love. But the greatest of these is love.

Compassion, forgiveness, and love are the new virtues I stand by. You all matter in my eyes.

Peace, hugs and handshakes,

R-